BB Gun
by beyondobsessed
Summary: A collection of utter insanity one would call B&B one-shots. It consists of whatever nonsense my brain spits out.


**Okay, so I'm currently really pissed off at the writers of Bones for making Brennan pregnant and not showing us our B&B steamy sex, so hopefully this collection of stories will fulfill our wants until we get some.**

**This is the start of a one-shot story. It's one of those fics where it's all in the same story, but each chapter is a different one shot. I've recently read one like 40+ chapters long with all B&B and it was HOT, so now I'm gonna give it a go. It's the only TV show that I have any hope in, because we no longer have Huddy or Cuddy, and they're supposedly kicking somebody off NCIS for like treason or something…so yeah. Some stories may be long, and others short. It's just whatever my brain vomits forth, but they might not all be smutty, which is okay.**

**Enjoy :D**

**HARD BOILED EGGS AND APPLE PIE**

Agent Seeley Booth and Dr. Temperance Brennan were at their usual after case celebration spot: the Royal Diner. They were sitting at their regular table next to the window. It was just the two of them.

The waitress swung by and dropped off Booth's coffee and slice of pie he always got. He smirked.

"Bones, this is the night." He said with one of his classic grins.

She looked at him with a befuddled expression on her face. "The night for what? I don't recall today being any sort of holiday."

"You, my friend, are going to try this pie."

She rolled her eyes. "Booth, we already went over this. I don't like pie."

"You've never tried it. How do you know you don't like it?"

"Because…one year, my mother baked a pie for Thanksgiving, and she neglected to use baking soda when mixing the amalgam of ingredients. Being the curious adolescent that I was, decided to ingest the horrid specimen and test its outcome because it appeared interesting. Let's just say, from that day on, I assumed all pies tasted that way. It's just like you and the hard-boiled egg in the meatloaf."

"What? My grandmother told me it was an eyeball. Who wants to eat an eyeball?"

She grinned. "The day you eat the egg in your meatloaf is the day that I will eat pie."

He gaped at her. "I am NOT eating that eyeball egg."

"I'm not eating pie."

He sat back and flashed one of his Boothy smiles. "Oh, we're going to play it this way, are we? Well..."

She smiled. "I believe the term used in this situation is GAME ON."

B&B B&B B&B

A few days pass. Neither of them ate pie or a hard-boiled egg. They'd been way too busy working a case to go out. It was one of those weird ones that you wouldn't believe until you saw it. They'd found a male and female entwined within each other frozen in a block of ice out on a lake. Apparently, they were doing the dirty out in one of those ice fishing shacks and their bodies heated up the ice enough to the point that it broke beneath them and they became a sex popsicle. Or, so it looked. One of the deceased happened to be a senator, which gave the FBI authority over the case. It was too weird not to look into. And it's a good thing they did. It was no accident. The woman the senator was sleeping with was another senator's wife, and the aforementioned senator was somebody else's husband, and the two spouses being cheated on set them up so that the ice would break beneath them so that they'd learn their lesson and those two could be together instead of with their cheating spouses. It was a perfect, yet stupid way to kill somebody. Nonetheless, Booth and Brennan found themselves at the Founding Fathers, celebrating yet another closed case. They took their seats.

"That was one hell of a case." Booth said as he stretched back in his chair.

"Using a fuel powered flamethrower to melt the ice enough that it would collapse under the weight of two sexually intimate adulterers, I must admit, was a very sagacious murder technique."

"Huh. I'll say."

The waitress finally came by and asked for their orders. Booth was in a giddy mood. Gordon-Gordon had used his super "chef powers" to tell him that he needed to grow a pair a while ago. And he was going to do it. He's had enough of succumbing to his grandmother's silly lies.

"I'll have the house meatloaf and a Coke." He said. Brennan raised a brow and ordered a salad before waiting for the waitress to walk away so they could talk.

"You didn't tell her to leave out the egg."

Booth grinned. "That's because I'm going to grow a pair and eat the damn egg. I've seen enough eyeballs to know it isn't one."

"Grow a pair of what?" Brennan asked innocently.

"You know…" he shuffled nervously.

"No, I don't."

"You know, like a guy's…" he tried to use his hands to symbolize what he meant. Brennan finally got it after he made two circles.

"Oh, you mean testicles!" she exclaimed happily. The people at surrounding tables shot around to give her a look.

"Yes. Shhh! Keep it down."

"Don't you already have them?" she asked.

He slapped his hand to his eyes and dragged it down his face.

"It's a figure of speech, Bones. It means to gain courage."

"But it's scientifically impossible to grow a second set of testicles once you're already born with one pair." She said.

"Can we just drop this? Go ask Angela what it means to 'grow a pair'."

"I find your modesty quite entertaining."

"Bones, DROP IT." He said between clenched teeth, and they sat in silence.

The food finally came to the table. Booth gulped hard as he eyed the egg. Brennan smiled. He was sitting there, a fork in one hand and a knife in the other with the most priceless expression on his face.

He looked up at her. She was waiting.

He let out a nervous sigh and forked some of the egg. "For pie!" he exclaimed before shoving some of it into his mouth.

A smile slowly crept onto his face as he chewed. "Damn, this is delicious!"

Brennan smiled, but suddenly it left her face.

He stopped chewing. "What's wrong, Bones?"

"I have to eat pie."

He laughed. "Ha ha! Yes you do. We had a bet. You're trying the pie."

She groaned as she forked some of her salad. "Ugh."

The two of them sat, enjoying their usual banter as they finished their meals, along with a beer or two. The time finally came for dessert. Booth ordered one slice of pie that was larger than what he would normally get for himself…they were going to share it. It was apple, one of his favorites.

Brennan looked mighty nervous. She shouldn't be though. It's only pie, for the love of science!

Booth wasted no time in digging in. There was even a heap of ice cream on top of it.

"A bet's a bet. Come on, Bones." He pushed the plate towards her.

She took a breath. Hey, it was only pie. There's nothing to be afraid of. Booth ate the egg, which was enough to make her want to eat the pie. She scooped some of it up on her spoon. She was a scientist, for the love of squints! Eating pie should be considered a breeze compared to earning a doctorate. She stopped coming up with excuses and thrust the spoon into her mouth. Booth was staring, waiting for her reaction.

Her face lit up. "Oh my God! Well, metaphorically speaking. This is delicious!" She grabbed some more.

"Hey, save some for me!" he reached across the table and took some for himself. She giggled and pulled it away far enough so that he couldn't reach it.

"Hey!"

She put some onto her spoon and held it across the table for him to eat. His tongue snaked out and gave it a lick before his lips wrapped around it. Brennan felt a little ping of arousal at the sight of his tongue.

They kept going back and forth until the pie was devoured. Booth paid the bill, and the two of them left for his black SUV.

Brennan smiled. "Tonight was very entertaining."

He smiled back. "It sure was…so, do you like pie now?"

"Pie is delicious. But, it's not something one should eat all the time because it will increase one's body mass index—"

"Okay, okay Bones. I get it."

"And you? You are now over your eyeball fetish with the eggs?"

"Pretty much, but they still freak me out, you know."

She gave him a confused look. "I don't know."

"Never mind."

Brennan looked out the window and realized they were on the other side of town, nowhere near her apartment. The sun was going down, and the sky was a beautiful pinkish-orange color.

"Booth, where are we going?"

"You'll see."

Brennan soon was familiar with the surroundings. They were in central DC, near the Capitol Building and Arlington and all of those famous national monuments. She suddenly realized where he was taking them. It was to that little sitting area on the other side of the Reflection Pool, where the Lincoln Memorial beautifully glowed in the background against the pink sky. That one spot is where their true love for each other came out, not to mention it was absolutely gorgeous.

They finally arrived, and Booth parked the truck in a little isolated clearing. They got out and made their way to the bench through a wooded area, pausing for a second to admire the beautiful view. Being that the bench was moveable, they flipped it around so they could sit and stare out at the Lincoln Memorial.

"Beautiful, isn't it."

"Beauty is an understatement." Brennan replied. "It's one of those terms where the meaning is one of many different viewpoints, suggesting that it can be viewed as just about anything."

"Anything, huh?" he leaned in a bit closer to her. Her breath caught in the back of her throat.

"Yes…"

"People can be beautiful as well, can they not?"

"Of course, Booth." She whispered.

"Well, in that case, you, my Bones, are the most beautiful person on this planet." He said as he closed the distance between them and captured her lips in a gentle, passionate kiss. She melted into him and returned the favor, resting her hand on his cheek. Oh God. What was Sweets going to say when he found out about this… _if_ he found out about this?

He pulled back for some air and their foreheads connected.

"Booth..."

"You know how I like metaphors and stuff like that, right? Well, you trying the pie and me eating the hard-boiled egg were a sign. You finally ate the pie. Now, we're finally going to do this. I don't care what you say. I've known since I first saw you that you were the one, the only one. You're the reason why I haven't started a serious relationship, and I'm sure I'm the same reason for you. I'm the gambler, right?"

Her rational scientific mind was screaming at her to get up and run, but there was something else, something far more powerful than the scientific part of her brain overpowering her. She thought about what Booth had said about your heart controlling you sometimes. The heart was just a muscle, but every muscle is connected to your brain. So therefore, your brain controlled your heart and your heart controlled the brain through pumping blood, and that meant that her heart wanted her to go with Booth. She was satisfied with that reasoning, but it didn't feel right that she had to rationalize something to her liking in order to make a decision. She blocked out all the science, and just listened to herself as a person, as a human being, as a homo sapien. And that was what got her. Screw science right now, it wasn't the right time for it. Right now was Temperance Brennan time; Temperance Brennan without the doctor in front of her name. On the job, she was a scientist, she was Dr. Brennan, but now, off the job, in her personal life, she was everybody's Tempy.

She smiled at Booth, who was still staring at her, anxiously waiting for a response. He was afraid that she'd freak out on him again. But, she leant back in and pecked his lips.

"I have discovered that my scientific and anthropological insights and ways of living have adversely affected my ability to choose what is right. But, right now, thinking back upon all the things we've gone through together, all the flirting we've engaged in, the near death experiences, everything, that you are the only person that could possibly make me happy and love me for who I am, regardless of the opinions of others. I was able to find a loop crater around my irrational scientific mind, and I am ignoring it. What matters is what I want, not what science wants me to do. And I want you, and only you. I do find it interesting how my education allows me to see things, but I'm seeing you through my eyes, not the ones with anthropology glazed over them. You are my soul mate."

Booth had a confused look on his face. Her smile faltered. "What? Did you change your mind?"

His face lit up. "No, no, it's a loophole, Bones. Hole. Not crater."

She giggled. "Loophole."

"You know, I can think of a hole to loop right now," he growled seductively in her ear. She gasped lightly, followed by him digging back into her mouth. He drew away from her mouth and down her neck, nipping and kissing behind her ear and along her nape. She let out a quiet moan.

"How about we continue this somewhere where we're not out in the open?" he whispered, grunting as her hand grazed over his thigh for a split second.

"I don't think I can wait that long." She went back in for a kiss.

"Back of the truck." He suggested as he felt her up, placing his hands on her breasts.

"That'll work." She pulled him off the bench and he hissed as he stood up.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing…" he took the opportunity of her being ahead of him to adjust himself in his pants, the raging erection painfully rubbing against the confines of them. She slowed down so she could grab his arm. They had to walk through a wooded area to get to where Booth parked, and the dark was doing everything it could to prohibit that. He groaned as he kept rubbing against the inside of his pants.

"Booth, seriously. What's wrong? Is it me?"

"It is because of you, but not in the way that you're thinking."

She stopped, a bit confused and a bit worried. "I don't know what you mean."

He felt around and backed her into a tree. "I'll show you."

"What are you"—she gasped as he ground his hardness between her legs. He groaned loudly at her response.

"Where did you park the damn car?" she exclaimed.

"I know where I parked it, I just can't see."

She scoffed as her arm snaked around near his crotch, trying to locate the flashlight he carried. He was trying not to ruin a perfectly good pair of underwear. He'd only dreamt of her hand being near his manhood.

"Aha!" she found it and dislodged it from its spot, flicking it on. She shined it around, and they found the path that took them to where Booth parked. It was a secret secluded area only he knew about, so they didn't have to worry about being spotted. Booth popped the trunk and pushed down the seats so they could have the back of the car. There were a couple of pillows, a sleeping bag and an old cotton duvet back there from a recent stakeout that he hadn't had the time to bring back into his apartment. He laid it all out before he turned to Brennan. She lunged at him and they collapsed into the back of the car, moaning and clawing at each other's clothes. Booth managed to close the trunk amidst the insanity that was currently going on, and Brennan had him on his back, sitting on his crotch. He was in his boxers and dress shirt, and she was down to her bra and panties. He grinned as he unhooked the garment and let the bra fall from her shoulders, revealing her engorged breasts that he adored. He didn't hesitate in tasting one, and she gasped and started gyrating on his lap, feeling his hard length prod at her core.

Booth reached down and swept off his boxers, watching her reaction. She moaned and leaned back on her elbows, grinding harder. He slid her panties off, and she nearly came from just feeling his cock. He ripped off his shirt and flipped them over so he was on top. She trembled slightly.

"You okay?" he breathed hard.

"I'm cold." She gasped.

Booth smirked as he found the sleeping bag and let her climb in. She yelped when he fit himself on top of her and zipped it, the two of them snug inside it. His dick was pressed against her clit, and she was thrusting to try to increase the pressure. He squeezed a hand in the confined area and finally found her core, thrusting a finger inside her. She cried out and brought his face down to hers to devour him.

"Booth, I need you inside of me…" she moaned.

He removed his finger and replaced it with his dick. She screamed when he thrust into her, the feeling enough to send an orgasm through her body. He pumped slowly so she could ride it out before hammering in, her legs wrapping around his waist as much as they could inside the sleeping bag.

"Go harder, Seeley!" she moaned. He was going as hard as he possibly could. The car was shaking from the force of it all.

He let out a low, manly groan as he pumped her hard. The sleeping bag was slipping closer and closer to the back of the seat.

"Bones!" he shouted as her walls clamped around him. He emptied inside her, and she cracked her knee on the side of the car.

"Ow!" she hissed.

"Oh, Bones, I'm sorry." Booth thought he'd done something to hurt her.

"It wasn't you. And don't apologize for giving me the best orgasm in my life." She smiled. He chuckled, and placed a kiss on her lips.

_The next day, at the Jeffersonian…_

"Hey, Bren—whoa, what the hell happened to you?" Angela said when she watched Brennan limp over to the sofa in her office.

"Nothing." Brennan couldn't hold back her smile. Angela grinned.

"Well, you're in a good mood. What did you do last night?"

"That's none of your business, Ange."

"Bones!" Booth ran into her office.

"What's wr—" she was cut off as Booth pressed his lips to hers and draped her over the edge of the sofa. Angela's jaw fell three floors.

Booth smiled. "Nothing's wrong. I just got lonely at the Hoover."

"Excuse me, but is there something happening here that I'm unaware about? I could have just sworn I saw Seeley Booth with his tongue in your mouth."

Booth blushed, suddenly realizing Angela was in the room. "Oh, hi Angela."

"We had sex." Brennan said. Angela screamed, and Booth only became redder.

"WHAT?" she yelled.

"Bones!" Booth hissed.

"What? She's my best friend; she has a right to know!"

"Is everything alright in here?" Hodgins and Cam came running in.

"Oh, believe me, everything is absolutely fucking perfect." Angela squealed.


End file.
